• Woolloomooloo uppercut - A kick in the testicles!
• Esky – That essential of Australian accessories for food, bait or/and drink. Number One on the Australian male’s Christmas List. A portable cooler with insulated walls to keep things cold.
• Bundy - Bundaberg Rum. Bundaberg is the name of the brand and the Queensland city in which it is made. 95% of the rum is drunk in Australia…unsurprisingly!

Let’s also introduce you to some famous Australians:

• Rolf Harris – (entertainer) whose entertainment appeal has spanned a number of decades and whose art programs has been one of the most popular and influential art programs ever produced by the BBC. Responsible for classics such as ‘Jake the Peg‘ and ‘Tie me Kangaroo down sport‘. Rolf is an artistic genius – singer, songwriter, painter, animal saviour, inventor of instruments, tv presenter, comedian, is there no end to his talents! Legend
• Richie Benaud – (Cricketer/presenter) was a world class all-round cricketer during the late 1950’s and early 60’s. Sri Lankan cricket writer Harold de Andrado wrote: “Richie Benaud possibly next to Sir Don Bradman has been one of the greatest cricketing personalities as, player, researcher, writer, critic, author, organiser, adviser and student of the game.” He continues to commentate on the game today and I love his voice!
• Dame Edna Everage – (Comedian/Comedienne) Barry Humphries incredibly funny character dressed in drag. While Humphries freely states that Dame Edna is a character he plays, Dame Edna consistently denies being a fictional character or drag performer, and refers to Humphries as her “entrepreneur” or manager. Indeed, Dame Edna has frequently said that the thought of a man dressing up as a woman for entertainment purposes is repulsive.

Location: Hamilton Island

Weather: The rain appears to have disappeared and the good stuff is here to stay! Sunshine and no wind, 31ºc

Long Island is exactly that. At around 9kms in length it sits on the opposite side of the Whitsunday Passage to Hamilton Island lying from north to south looking rather like the Loch Ness monster as its height above the water rises and drops in a series of humps.

The islands of the Whitsundays bear an uncanny resemblance to the islands around Canada with dark green pine trees extending down to the crystal clear blue waters of the ocean – except everything here is probably about 30ºc warmer at this time of year!

I’ve had a few trips across to this island now previously staying at Peppers Palm Bay and Paradise Bay Eco-Resort and each of them have provided me with a new, different and fresh experience on what the Whitsundays offer.

‘The Best Value in the Whitsundays’ is what the slogan claims for the Long Island Resort; it’s a statement which filled me with a little bit of fear as it could be read as ‘A cheap holiday destination’ but from the moment Jon (my friend from the UK whose visiting for a few days) and I arrived at the jetty and made our way to the resort we knew it was going to be massively better than that!

The big map on the wall in the reception area proudly displays the islands of the Whitsundays with little pics of things to do including the Cruise Whitsundays tour out to the reef onboard Seaflight which we’ll be heading out on very soon.

Over the last day I’ve been shadowed by the film crew from Sanlih E-TV from Taiwan and together we’ve done loads of activities to give them exciting footage for their show which goes to air sometime in January – first stop a quick bushwalk around the island – the best way to explore any new location I get to.

Now I’m not in the best of condition to be heading out on a walk at the moment, with the Hamilton Island Triathlon in a few days time I should be feeling at the top of my game but a freak waterskiing accident which saw me doing the splits and as a result straining the hamstrings in my right leg has meant that preparation has been less than ideal. A walk through the bush was the first test I’d given it…

Climbing the circular track to the east of the resort took us into the humid canopy of the trees and once we’d sweated it out for half an hour arrived at one of the lookouts on the route giving us a clear view across the Whitsunday Passage to Pentecost Island in the distance. This was the only island in the Whitsunday group that Captain Cook named as he passed through here in 1770 as he’d arrived here during the religious festival so named.

How the cameraman and soundman managed to haul all of their kit around the track I have no idea but at various points on the walk they rushed past us to film the next scene for the program!

An hour later we’d completed the course and the views back across Happy Bay to the Long Island Resort were classic and spectacular. We’d had a great time plodding the tracks of the island – my leg felt slightly better and the film crew all got a good work out

The schedule for the afternoon is jam-packed and as soon as we’d got back to the resort it was straight off again for a quick blast around the Whitsundays with a scenic helicopter ride, Jon and I boarded and waved goodbye to the Taiwanese crew temporarily as we soared above the gorgeous blue water snapping away like new tourists to the area.

This has to be the best perspective of the area, seeing the islands far off in the distance makes you realise the sheer size of the Whitsundays…let alone the Great Barrier Reef…let alone the eastern seaboard of Australia!

All too quickly we were swopping back in for the final approach to the helipad but it did allow me to get a great photo of the resort from the air:

Next on the agenda – feeding some of the local wildlife. It’s maybe not the best thing to do morally, artificially providing food for creatures above and below the water but it drags in the tourists and provides an afternoon’s entertainment. We started off at the end of the jetty with the resident Bat fish who were more than happy to slurp away at the bread we’d brought down for them. Once the amusement here was over it was a quick dash back to the resort to collect some apple smoothie (the favourite of the next of our receipients) to feed to the Purple Crowned Lorikeets. These little things make more noise than any other bird on the island with a constant squarking.

As the afternoon drew on it was time to bid farewell to our friends from Taiwan and time for Jon and I to sample the delights of the buffet here, there’s a plethora of choice including meats, fish, pastas and vegetables – another delightful excuse to loosen my belt and squeeze in another huge meal.

Long Island Resort work hand in hand with other companies around the Whitsundays to provide good value, fun filled holidays for people who don’t want to or need to spend a fortune on having a good time. They’ve got a great relationship with other tourism service providers in the area including Cruise Whitsundays who operate a tour and ferry service around the islands. Jon and I headed out on one of their larger vessels, Seaflight, to visit the Great Barrier Reef.

An early race down the jetty in order to get to the waiting boat was the start of our day, we just about made the connecting boat which would take us across to Daydream Island where we’d catch our ride out to the reef. I’ve been on a very similar trip to this before with Fantasea, both companies offering an introductory day’s adventure out on the Great Barrier Reef for young and old alike.

The Seaflight came powering around the headland from Abel Point Marina and we jumped onboard the impressive looking catamaran along with several other excited travellers. The weather conditions were perfect with virtually no breeze, waves or swell – shame, Bre would have loved this trip with no chance of sea sickness here.

As we left the inshore waters of the Whitsundays the staff on board set about their work making the passengers feel at home and briefing us all on what exactly we’d expect to find a couple of hours later when we arrived at the Knuckle Reef Pontoon.

The vessel itself is fully catered specifically for this trip, it’s large and comfy, has staff which provide a constant supply of food and drink, and really moves. Our destination being Knuckle Reef which lies around 90kms from the mainland and slightly further north-east than both Bait and Black reef’s which we’d been diving on with Islandive the week before.

The massively exciting thing about visiting the reef is that every trip seems to throw up something new with different locations on every trip so far giving an ever changing experience and that’s before you take into account the different tides, currents, weather conditions which all effect what you get under the water.

In just over two hours we cover the distance to the reef and arrive at the pontoon where there’s a hive of activity already happening; a helicopter is just landing, the semi-submersible is moving around and the reef-rats (the name given to the people who stay onboard the pontoon once the customers have gone home) are milling about ready for the onslaught of nearly 200 people!

As we’re both certified divers who love the water having the chance to dive here is quickly snapped up. We’re to be in the first group of the day and as soon as the boat touches the pontoon are chomping at the bit to get our equipment ready.

We make our way to the kitting-up area, grab what we need and start putting everything on, there seems to be a sense of urgency here and we’re very quickly ushered down the steps to the platform where we’ll dive from  – there’s not even enough time for a buddy check and when I get down to the platform and as I prepare to check Jon’s equipment over one of the instructors tells me “there’s no need for you to do a buddy-check, we’ve already done that!” – I’m sorry but as someone who has lost a best friend to diving I’m not going to suddenly drop my safety procedures for anyone and find two things badly adjusted anyway; a strap not done up and my second regulator is caught up in my belly strap. It’s exactly the reason a buddy-check is needed!

With that little problem out of the way it’s back to the diving and with almost perfect conditions above the water I’m optimistic that it’ll be reflected below but with big tidal movements this week the bottom has been stirred up and the resulting visibility isn’t amazing…well it’s good, just not amazing!

Being in a group of four divers allows us all a chance to swim about and take everything in about this brilliant underwater world – the corals look really good here with lots of colour and variety but as with other pontoons in the area the sheer level of traffic passing through means that unfortunately slight damage has occurred to some of the hard corals and a few broken pieces litter the ocean floor.

Being a shallow water dive with very low stress levels and no camera for once means that I’m able to concentrate on having a good time and I love cruising about the bottom, hovering over fish and corals adjusting my buoyancy by inhaling and exhaling alone.

All too quickly our dive master is hurrying us along, it’s obviously taking too long this dive when there’s other people on the surface who are waiting for their chance to get underwater. It’s a shame as I really was enjoying myself and had 100bar of air in the tank. It just felt as though I was one of many in the production line that is diving at the pontoon and I just hope it’s not at the expense of safety. Sorry to have to say that!

Back on the dry land of the pontoon there’s loads to do. The end of term signals ‘Schoolie week’ meaning there’s 16 year old running about everywhere – snorkelling, swimming, diving and using the huge water slide into the ocean but it never feels crowded on the pontoon with plenty of space to relax and enjoy the day.

You’d think there’s a dedicated chef on board as lunch is superb and I cram down fresh prawns, home cooked ham and salads from the buffet out on the sun deck and then get the nod that I’ll be heading up in a helicopter for a flight over the reef in a few minutes – awesome x 10! It really give you a totally different perspective of the reef and the sheer size and vast array of blue colours only become apparent up there.

An entertaining afternoon draws to an end four hours after we arrived out here at the pontoon, the engines are fired up and the PA system announces that we’ll be off very soon. The families I’ve spoken to all seem to have had a great time as have the Schoolies who seem slightly sunburnt and tired but happy to have spent all day in and out of the water. One more photo is needed of course – the one with all the kids on board!

The trip back to the Whitsundays doesn’t seem to take nearly as long as the journey out probably as the staff are chatting to everyone about their day’s experiences and showing off the slide-show which has been shot throughout the day. It’s always the highlight seeing quite how stupid you look underwater!

The atmosphere back at the resort was building to say the least, more Schoolies have arrived and there’s beach volleyball, boules, and other games going on – the place is alive with people! Long Island resort has this sort of atmosphere the whole time though, people are here for exactly that – some fun and good times.

Happy hour seems to continually run throughout the afternoon from 2-3pm, 4.30-5.30pm and again from 7-8pm…that’s more than a happy hour isn’t it! To finish off our experience and night there the karaoke machine is rolled out but with my distinct lack of vocal ability it’s something I steer well clear off – there’s no point in insulting the locals is there.

Long Island has three places to stay, each offering a very different experience with the Long Island Resort catering for the holiday-maker looking for a great value means of enjoying activities in a sandy bay on a tropical island. The accommodation sits right on the beach, exactly where you want to be, the food is great and comes in a continual buffet-stream with only yourself to regulate it and the experience feels good.

End of day location: Long Island resort, Long Island

Distance covered: 20kms on Fantasea, 200kms on Cruise Whitsundays

Come good – 1. To recover – ‘I was crook last week, but I’ve come good now’ 2. To produce something especially in response to a request – Dad came good with the cash

Tinnie/Tinny - a can of beer. To crack a tinnie is to have a beer with a mate

Ocker – A stereotypical Australian, uncivilised and uncouth. Hence, ockerdom and ockerism denote any or all characteristics

Location: Hamilton Island

Weather: Clearing rain clouds and then bright sunshine! Almost English to start! 30c

With the arrival of a few friends from the UK (Alison, Sarah and Jon) came a day of catching up and showing them around the area. The girls having arrived a few days earlier had the chance to head across to Airlie Beach for some shopping and together we missed the last boat from Shute Harbour back onto Hamilton Island…big Ooops!

Struggling to find an easy solution, with no usual mobile phone contacts due to a broken battery and a dinner date at the Beach Club back on the island looming large, everything was looking just a little unachievable – until that is Keith Roberts from Islandive stepped in to save the day. A quick phone call and he’d secured a fast boat to take us back to the island ensuring we got home in time for the dinner appointment. Impeccable service once again and a massive thank you!

Jon and I had an early appointment for his first full day on Hamilton Island – one with the new golf course on Dent Island. Neither of us play golf but thought it’d be a great way to dust off the cobwebs and share some ‘men-time’ out on the course with the girls sunning themselves back at the house.

Suffice to say our round was not improved by the fact that Tiger Woods is on every television channel here right now as he’s playing in the Australian Open. We managed to loose around 20 balls between the two of us in the first nine holes. A superb course though and a really fun way to start Jon’s holiday.

There’s no rest for the wicked though (so I must be truly wicked) so leaving my friends behind in the house, Bre and I made our way down to Hamilton Island Aviation where our helicopter was waiting to lift us up into the air and whisk us the 19kms across the Whitsunday Passage to Paradise Bay Eco-Resort on Long Island.

Paradise Bay Eco-tourism and the way it should be done…

Long Island has three very different resorts on it, I visited Peppers Palm Bay a few weeks ago, we’ll be staying at Long Island Resort next week but for the next couple of nights we have the great pleasure of staying at the most luxurious of the lot – and coupled with that the most environmentally conscious too.

Now I know you’ll probably say “you arrived my helicopter, that’s not environmentally friendly” but the owner of the resort actually owns another property in the Northern Territory and at the end of every year the manager here calculates how many helicopter flights have been taken to the island and for how long i.e. the total flight time to the island, and the carbon footprint is then compensated by planting the relevant number of trees – last year 3500 of them!

We touched down onto the tiniest of landing pads nestled in amongst the palm trees, jumped out and were greeted by the Tapa and Jane, the managers of Paradise Bay – our location for the next couple of days. Making our way along the path we arrived at the main social area (there is only one as there’s so few people here it’s all that is needed!) and met a few of the other guests.

A maximum of 16 people can stay here at any one time, there are no children allowed and the lodge is environmentally sound in its power generation and use of water – nothing comes from the mainland. I was going to like this place you know as I’m very interested in this sort of tourism and hope to learn lots about the way that things should be done in the rest of the world.

The entire Lodge is powered by a large bank of 24-volt batteries which are charged by solar panels and backed up by a bio-diesel generator for cloudy days to provide power to all of the 10 accommodation units, social area and kitchen.. An inverter converts the electricity from 24-volts up to a 240v system so that normal appliances can be used. The electricity is used not only for lights and appliances but also to power the sewage treatment plant and fresh water system – but in total, the Lodge uses less electricity than an average suburban house.

Each bungalow has a separate solar panel and tank that provides hot water for showers. The tanks store enough hot water for normal use up to four days without sunshine. All water used on the site comes from the catchment areas provided the roofs of the cabins with 500,000 litres currently being stored here and a new tank taking the total to 1,000,000 litres planned for later in the year. The rain which fell extensively last week has replenished the reservoirs after a few months of drought here and the water which comes through the taps is filtered and as result is perfectly drinkable.

Any waste produced going into the sewerage system is organically broken down with a biological process and the liquid which is produced over time is then used as grey water for the gardens. Nothing goes to waste here! Paradise Bay is truly the most ‘eco’ (a word which is banded around far too easily these days) location I have visited. There are no hairdryers, televisions or radios and the lights are all low wattage power-saver bulbs whose dim light only add to the whole experience.
Our cabin was positioned right on the beach, literally fall out of the door and you’re touching it. There’s a hammock looking off the veranda and inside the comfiest and largest pillows for a long time – no pillow menu needed here! As the sun dropped into the ocean, the orange/red light floods the front of our cabin signalling dinner is almost ready to be served. We make our way along the boardwalk past the flickering oil lamps and into the divinely setup dinner table – one long table with all tonight’s guests around it waiting to start the feast.

This type of hosted accommodation is pretty special, you really feel although you’re being looked after on a different level here more than any other location so far with friendly attentive hosts who double up as chefs and experts on the different wines that are served with every course.

Seating everybody together enforces a social night where new friendships are struck and relationships built – you could come to a lodge like this and never have to talk to another soul…but that’s just not me and the formula works perfectly.
From the small kitchen area a gastronomic delight is produced and dining under the stars with the candlelights flickering creates a social, romantic atmosphere I haven’t yet found on my travels. We conclude the night with marshmallows cooked around the campfire, just what we need on a hot and balmy night!

I awake early to the sound of the high tide lapping just outside my door, throw on my running kit and make for walking track which runs around the island. I had tried to make for this end of the island when I stayed at Peppers Palm Bay a few weeks back, setting off on an track which looked as though it’d come this far down the island but after an hour of sweating it out realised that this lodge is truly cut off from the rest of the world as no tracks come here through the bush….access is only by the air or water.

I plodded into the lodge’s social area an hour after hitting the overgrown track around the south side of the island just as the clock hit 9 a.m., breakfast was just about over!

The lodge has its very own catamaran moored out in the bay that sails everyday (bar Sunday) to a different location around the islands. We decided to head out with the crew and a few other guests to discover some of the creeks and coves on the mainland just opposite the resort towing a few kayaks and a dinghy would allow us to get right into the heart of the mangrove systems which line the coast here.

An hour later we lay anchor outside ‘Wolf Creek’ – not the famous people slaying location made famous in the horror movie instead a pretty little backwater called ‘Woodcutter Bay’ that needed further exploration. Bre and I untied a kayak, slapped on the sunscreen and paddled off to find out more.

Winding our way through the mangrove trees we entered a peaceful watery world where nature was the only other thing around; the occasional ‘splosh’ or ‘plop’ into the water signalling something had sensed our arrival. As we patrolled the fringes of the estuary the high tide had covered some of the smaller mangrove trees creating perfect sunning platforms where small turtles park up and chill out.

The warm rays of the sun super-heating the surface of the ocean and as we cruised by we spotted three of them within 50 metres of each other. Their sleepy morning only disturbed as we got within a metre of them as at the last moment each of them scrambled into the deep water to escape the camera.

Back on the cat we sailed slowly up the coast stopping off at Cow and Calf Islands to head ashore for a beach lunch, our individual hampers and a beach towel all we needed to get away the group as we found a little area of sand where no on else would find us…except maybe the eight Shovel Nose Rays truffling around in the foreshore as they too prepared for lunch.

The full day of sunshine had taken its toll and as we sailed back to the lodge my head tilted like a nodding dog into my book and before long I was asleep, the sound of the anchor chain awaking me from my slumber as we prepared to moor up for the night.

With the last of the evening light still just about visible in the sky the announcement came that dinner was again on the way. Our single table had now been split into two as more guests had arrived and the evening’s feasting began once more.

The walk back to the room reminds you of quite how in the middle of nowhere you are, there is no light pollution from the lodge itself, bar the flickering oil lamps, the mainland onto which the lodge faces has no sign of life in fact the strongest light comes from the heavens as the Milky Way and the galaxy light the sky all around. I sat on the veranda before heading to bed to take it all in.

Of all the retreats I’ve been to this has to be the most unique of the lot. It is a single venture by Peter Spann who has created a one-off experience and wholly deserves its number one rank on www.tripadvisor.com
I really love the fact it makes an effort and succeeds in giving a sustainable holiday experience where virtually no impact is made on the environment. It heightens your awareness about the steps which we all could, and should, make to lessen our footprint on the planet which is creaking under the load of humankind right now.

I want to recycle more, I want to change all my light bulbs for energy efficient ones, I want to build my own sustainable house, I want to buy a Toyota Prius, I want to have a stack of solar panels outside my house which says “I do care, I am making a step to save the planet”.

If only more of the world’s politicians would come here and experience it…

End of day location: Long island

Distance covered: 25kms

• Pav – Short for pavlova , which is a popular meringue-based dessert created by an Australian chef in honour of the Russian ballerina Anna Pavlova
• Beer Gut – disproportionately large stomach on a male from drinking beer
• Make a proper galah of – make a complete fool of oneself

Location: Airlie Beach after a diving festival out on the reef for three days!

Weather: Sunny through the remaining dust haze but still hot at 28c

Oh how I wish my girlfriend Bre had made it back for this little trip away to Long Island! She’s been away in Canada at a family wedding and when my itinerary produced a stay at the romantic destination of Peppers Palm Bay going by myself just didn’t seem right!

After a short ride across the mirror-like water of the Whitsunday Passage from Shute Harbour on the private launch we passed Long Island Resort, one of the other tourist destinations on the island. As we rounded the headland the resort of Peppers Palm Bay came into view and it didn’t disappoint!

The sandy bay is lined with swaying palms and nestled between them are 24 intimate little chalets all peeking out onto the water. Once we’d pulled up onto the beach David the Manager was there to meet me and lead me to my room…as he does with every new arrival.

What awesome little places these are too, small wooden buildings with a little veranda and even a double hammock hanging from the posts from which you can watch the miniscule waves tickling the sand just in front. Just as I’m checking in the sound of an approaching seaplane brings me out to watch it land and taxi right up to the shoreline…there’s more than one way to arrive here you know.

Long Island is a ten kilometre long ribbon of rock situated to the east of the mainland and slightly to the west of Dent Island, it’s shrouded in rainforest and heavy brush but there’s a few walking trails offering a chance to explore some of the more remote areas like Sandy Bay (which is in fact mangrove mud beds) and Humpy Point.

Peppers Palm Bay is part of the big Peppers group which has 25 other properties in Australia and New Zealand with this one aimed at couples, honeymooners and those wanting to get away from it all. There are no children under 14 allowed (it really does make a huge difference when you can’t hear them at all), no phones in the rooms and lastly no tv’s either. If you want to forget about the outside world then there can’t be many places around here that compete especially when you consider it’s only a 20 minute boat ride from the every popular Shute Harbour.

The focal point of the hospitality area is the swimming pool with its alluring blue waters, relaxed sun loungers and table service…if I was to take full advantage of this type of holiday I’d end up falling asleep here everyday, the sound of the water splashing down the waterfall and a serving of good food inevitably leading to a premature afternoon siesta. I am here to absorb and relax you know.

A quick tour of the complex reveals more than first meets the eye with a full-size tennis court, tv room and beach sports to keep the energetic (that’s me obviously) happy. I met another Australian journalist who’s here for two days shadowing me and reporting on all three differing types of accommodation which are available on the island and as we’re not the usual ‘cuddly couple’ decide to take a pair of kayaks and have a paddle around the bay.

The sheltered bays of the Long Island offer a retreat not just for the romantics in the world but also to lots of turtles, their heads popping up every so often as our paddles pierce the water alerting them to our close proximity. As the sun goes down it’s time to return to the resort, freshen up, get our glad rags on and taste the delights of the Pepper’s chefs.

David the manager of the resort and his wife Anne have invited us to dinner and our table by the pool is the perfect setting for an evening of conversation and over-eating once more. How’s this – the chef changes every item on the menu every night…talk about hard work!

It’s a rare thing these days for me to have steak (yes of course I’d love to but the waistline doesn’t need any extra squeezing) but as I see one drifting by on the way to it’s lucky recipient I crumble and order one – half an hour later I know I’ve made the right choice.

Waddling like a fat duck I make my way home through the palms and across the sand to my room, pull back the covers and flop onto my bed….a well earned sleep follows.

Peppers Palm Bay gives you peace and quiet, a total relaxation destination where the weight of the world, the pressures of everyday life and the need to think, worry or stress simply drain out of the system.

After a particularly busy week I can’t imagine anywhere I’d rather have spent a couple of days to give me some Ben-time, catch up on writing my blogs and reduce my heart rate down to a more manageable level. If I’d have been here with Bre it would have been even better instead I’ll come back here for sure sometime very soon as it’s not somewhere to be missed out on.

End of day location: Long Island

Distance covered: 10kms